Capture Him!
by outerelf
Summary: Somebody is loose aboard the Ark. Along with a gun that looks suspiciously a lot like Megatrons fusion cannon. oneshot


Inferno noticed two things when he entered the cafeteria. One, Red Alert was laughing, and two… _I do not want to know where that cannon came from._ Inferno thought, staring, shocked by the appearance of a cannon that looked a lot like Megatrons fusion cannon.

Red Alert giggled as he rubbed the cannon possessively, murmuring something softly to it.

Inferno slowly began backing out of the room, optics wide. Silently he slid shut the door, and leaned against it, optics wide and unseeing. "Hey, Inferno!" Sideswipe said, waving. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure out what Red's doing."

Sideswipes curiosity instantly got the better of him. "I want to see!"

Before Inferno could stop him, Sideswipe had opened the door. Red Alert looked up, cannon coming up. BOOM! Sideswipe stared at the hole where his head had been moments before Inferno had pulled him back. Red Alert giggled manically as he went back to polishing the cannon. Sideswipe stood frozen, as Inferno said softly, "I don't want to know where he got the cannon from. But I do want to know how we're going to get it away from him."

BLAST! Both flinched as a blast went out the door, slamming into the far wall. Red Alerts voice said clearly from within, "Don't worry my precious, no one will touch you."

An insane giggling came out of the room, and Sideswipe finally snapped out of his daze. "Umm, Inferno?"

"Don't look at me! I didn't do anything!"

"Better call Ratchet and tell him Reds glitching."

"He's not."

"What?"

"His horns aren't blue! He's not glitching!"

"Then it must be some sort of loose chip or something! Either way Ratchet needs to come see him!" Sideswipe declared.

Sunstreaker could be seen coming from the other way, hurrying along slightly. "Sides? I felt something across out bond-"

"STOP!"

Sunstreaker stopped right in front of the door as another burst came through the doorway. "What the slag?"

"Red Alerts in there."

"He's glitching again?"

"No-"

Another blast, nearly hitting Sunstreaker. "He isn't glitching." Inferno finished, frustrated.

Sideswipe looked up from his pager. "Ratchets coming."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ratchet stormed up to the cafeteria to find Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Inferno, Jazz and Bumblebee all gathered around the door. "What's going on?"

Inferno pointed in the room. Ratchet looked around the door to see Red Alert standing in a corner, clutching the cannon, murmuring softly to it. Red Alerts optics flared as he looked up, instantly spotting Ratchet. Ratchet hurriedly pulled back as a scorch mark joined others in the hallway. "Slag. What happened to him?"

Shrugs went around the corridor, and Ratchet picked up his tool case, fingering each wrench, muttering, "Not this one, it'll leave too big of a dent. Not this one, for this distance it wouldn't make it…"

Ratchet picked up one wrench, optics glinting evilly. "This one will do."

Before anyone could blink, Ratchet was in the doorway, tossing the wrench at Red Alert. Red Alert fired hurriedly, blasting the wrench out of the air, and took aim to fire again as Ratchet hastily stepped back into the safe zone. "So that's how he's going to be? Alright, Sideswipe, go to the medbay and pick up my bag of wrenches. It'll be type 7-9991."

Sideswipe nodded and hurried off, a wide grin pulling across his face.

Prime came down the hallway, looking at the group that was steadily growing outside of the cafeteria door. "What is going on?"

Ratchet sighed. "Red Alert."

Primes face became even more confused as he looked through the door. Ratchet and Sunstreaker tackled Prime out of the way as three blasts came out of the doorway. "I see." Prime dredged up after his CPU stopped spinning.

"Good. Now Get. Off. ME!" Ratchet roared, pushing on the giant Prime. Prime stood up quickly, helping Ratchet pick himself up. Ratchet brushed himself off, glaring at Prime, who ignored it.

"What is the matter with Red Alert?"

"I don't know. I would know if we could get him into the medbay-"

Sideswipe came up, bearing Ratchets bag of extra wrenches. "Good."

Ratchet picked up two, and tensed for a few moments, then, in an incredible burst of speed, he rushed past the doorway, tossing the two wrenches through the doorway. Boom! Boom! Two blasted wrenches went flying out of the door. Ratchet cursed, and Sideswipe slid two more to Ratchet. Prime sighed. _It looks like our nice, peaceful day has gone down the drain._

0o0o0o0o0o0

Ratchet stared at the last of his wrenches, eyeing the door thoughtfully. He needed some way to make this wrench count. "Somebody get Smokescreen."

Smokescreen appeared, asking, "Someone say my name?"

"Good, toss one of you smoke bombs in there."

Smokescreen stared at Ratchet, wondering if he had heard right. Ratchet lifted the wrench warningly, and Smokescreen hurriedly tossed in a smoke bomb, wondering gloomily what was happening.

Coughs sounded from within, and Red Alert staggered out, still holding onto his cannon. Ratchet darted forward, attempting to knock Red Alert out, but Red Alert dodged, canon lashing upwards to ram into Ratchets midriff. Ratchet bent over double, optics wide.

Prime moved forward, cannon pointing at Red Alert. "Halt!"

Red Alert tensed, optics extremely wary, but he kept a hold of the cannon. Inferno grabbed Ratchet, asking, "Y'all right Ratchet?"

"Fine Inferno. He didn't harm anything, merely surprised me."

Red Alerts optics narrowed, and he threw himself forward, sliding between Primes legs before running off. "Slag, he's loose." Ratchet groaned.

Prime linked to Prowl, snapping, "Prowl, seal up all entrances and exits to the Ark, and send out a warning to everyone that Red Alert is loose with a cannon."

Prowl stared at the comm. link, wondering if he had heard correctly, and slowly he said, "Very well sir."

Blast doors began sliding shut, and a message flicked onto all of the Arks crew pagers. :_Warning, Red Alert is loose on the Ark with a cannon._:

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Well, it looks like our evil plan is working."

"Yes, he's been doing rather well but calling it our evil plan is a little much. By the way, however did you convince him?"

"Oh, I just explained it to him, and he was very eager."

"…Revenge?"

"Defiantly."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alerts giggles made him easy to track. Along with the random scorch marks on the wall. Apparently Red Alert was going trigger-happy currently. Prime moved along the hallways, followed by Ratchet and an ever-growing group of mechs that were complaining about close calls.

Prowl listened in, and noticed something. "Prime, he isn't hurting anyone. And he's not gltiching."

"So? He's got a cannon!" Sunstreaker snapped, ignoring Primes look. "What more evidence do you want Prowl?"

Prowl blinked at them, and then turned to his comm. link. "Bluestreak, I want you to load up your gun with tranquilizers. According to the pattern in which Red Alert is running in, he should be gong past the medbay soon."

Prowl lay out his plans to Bluestreak, who listened intently over the private channel.

Red Alert, heard Bluestreak say, "Alright, I'm on my way!' and instantly guessed that Prowl had set up a trap for him. _Lets see, should I go by the medbay? Nah, I don't want to incase they got a trap set up there. It is after all easy enough because of the small nooks for people who are waiting for whomever to come on out. Instead I think I'll swing by the rec room._

Red Alert laughed, sick of holding it in. It was still coming out anyways as giggles. _This is a lot of fun._

0o0o0o0o0o0

Prowl cursed as he watched Red Alert suddenly veer off the pattern he had been making, heading for the- "Everyone in the Rec room, get out! Red Alert is heading for your position!"

Several mechs left, but a majority stayed in, and Prowl shook his head. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

0o0o0o0o0

Red Alerts laughter kicked up a notch as he realized that very few mechs had listened to Prowl. He picked up his pace just a little more, realized what he was doing, then slowed down a little. He wasn't allowed to loose his rather large tail. Red Alert opened the door to the rec room, to see the minbots in the room. Red Alert raised the cannon, blasting away, still laughing crazily.

The minbots dove for cover, Cliffjumper shouting, "What are you doing?"

Tracks wailed as paint became chipped as he was ducking for cover, and Gears complained, "I knew Red Alert would one day try to kill us all!"

Red Alert paused, hearing the group behind him beginning to pick up their pace. With a feral grin, he was once again off and running through the hallways.

0o0o0o0o0o0

"How long do you suppose it'll take for them to catch him?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Well, you were the one who suggested this in the first place. Surely you must have an estimate"

"An entire cycle actually. That's how long I think it'll take them to catch him."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Prime leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. Nobody could keep up with Red Alert, and nobody dared overtaking Red Alert in fear for their health.

Sideswipe nudged Sunstreaker, asking, "Hey, Sunny?"

"Don't call me that!"

"What do you think will happen if we blow up his cameras-"

Boom! Sideswipe stared in shock at the blast mark next to his head, and all of the mechs looked to see Red Alert down a side hallway, holding the cannon. "Hehehe…. I'll show you to mess with my cameras-"

Blast! The group of mechs scattered for cover as Red Alert fired, his laughter reaching up to the heavens.

0o0o0o0o

"Wow, he's certainly laughing a lot."

"Yes, I think this is a form of stress reliever for him."

"By the way, how are we supposed to explain this-"

"…I thought you were supposed to."

"I thought you were."

"Slag."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert looked around. The Arks crew had driven him back into the cafeteria, and from the sounds of it, another smoke bomb should be coming through. _Either that or Bluestreak is going to try to hit me with a tranquilizer again._

Red Alert winced at the memory, even as he tipped tables over and dragged them to make a barrier. Bluestreak, in a fit of genius, had managed to fit into the ventilation shaft, and take position. Red Alert had only heard him just in time to duck the tranquilizer. It had shattered against the ground, and Bluestreak had shot nearly five times before Red Alert was out of range. Red Alert had fired at him, but Bluestreak managed to scramble out of the shaft and into safety before the blast had hit.

_Darn it all, I just need to hold out to the end of the cycle._ Red Alert thought, fingering the weapon thoughtfully. He had stopped laughing after it had put a strain on his vocalizer, but he still couldn't keep back the soft giggles.

Red Alert stiffened as he heard footsteps enter the room. _Mirage._ Red Alert picked up a cube of energon, and tossed it directly at where he could hear Mirage, then brought up the cannon, blazing.

Mirage ducked, the cube just clipping him, and Red Alert opened fired, driving Mirage back out of the room. Outside of the room he could hear Hounds worried voice, and Red Alerts grin grew a little more.

Primes powerful voice rang through the cafeteria. "Red Alert, give it up! We do not wish to hurt you."

Red Alert winced, but he wasn't about to get captured now- "Never."

"Red Alert." The voice was soft and slightly pleading. Red Alerts grin grew as he said,

"Really Prime! Can you capture me?"

"I will before you hurt anyone onboard." Prime rumbled, and Red Alert winced inwardly.

"Come and get me then."

Red Alert tensed, waiting for anything to happen. He held the cafeteria, so he could get energon whenever he wanted- and he wasn't about to leave now. The entire Ark was after his energon after he had nearly blasted the whole lot of them, even if they had been scattered for a few moments when he had charged them. _Of course, I don't think any of them were expecting for me to charge them._ Red Alert thought dryly, optics scanning the room constantly.

In two more breems the cycle would be up. He just needed to hold out until then.

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Sir, I don't think you can reason with him. After all, he did shoot at Bluestreak, and usually he doesn't seem to mind him."

"Yes, but I'm more worried about how badly his CPU is fried." Ratchet grumbled, glaring at the doorway. "If it keeps up for much longer he'll be so badly fried that it won't be pretty."

Sunstreaker grumbled as he glared down at his gun in one hand. "I say that we just blast him."

"Can you even get close?" Ratchet demanded. "Judging from the size of that cannon, it would be able to match Megatrons."

"It looks a lot like Megatrons cannon." Sideswipe mused out loud.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert fired twice, blasting at the heads that dared to peak around the corner. Then, an all too familiar shape rolled into the middle of the room. Red Alert ducked behind the table, clutched at the cannon, and turned off his auditory and optical receptors.

The smoke bomb exploded, and Red Alert felt the concussion wave through the table. Silently he onlined his optics, peeking over the table, and slowly onlined his auditory receptors, allowing the smoke to pour out around him. _I'm done._

Red Alert stiffened as a large shape came into view, the unmistakable figure of Prime, along with Inferno hurtled at him. Red Alert scrambled back, firing wildly, missing the figures as he attempted to keep from being captured. He slammed into Sunstreaker who had managed to get right behind him. His optics narrowed and he dropped into his car form, driving between Sunstreakers legs, and past the wildly looking around Sideswipe. "I've got him!" Came one cry.

"No, I do!" came a different cry, across the room.

"I've got him!" Came the third reply as metal hit metal and the sounds of confusion filled the room.

Red Alert changed, bringing up the cannon and firing into the air. "Nobody move!" He giggled, unable to help himself. "I've got you all in my sites."

Mechs around the room froze, but the sound of the still decompressing smoke bomb masked the slightest sound behind Red Alert, and suddenly, CLANG!

Red Alert dropped just in time, buringing up the cannon, making Prowl hit it instead. "You hurt my precious!"

Bumblebee, remembering a human book called 'Lord of the Rings' took a step backwards. "Uh-oh…"

Prowl glared at Red Alert. "You are outmaneuvered. Best to give yourself up quietly-"

Inferno came out of nowhere, easily pinning Red Alert against himself. "Gotchya Red!"

Red Alert sighed, looking up at Inferno. "Oh well."

For some odd reason he kept a hold of the cannon. Smokescreen hurriedly turned off his smoke bomb, and the air slowly began to clear out, showing through the haze. Various Autobots had each other in various holding positions throughout the cafeteria. Ratchet was holding Sunstreaker in a headlock, Sideswipe was sitting on top of a disgusted looking Jazz, Bluestreak was pointing his gun at Bumblebee-

Red Alerts mouth twitched, but he kept himself under control. "Wow." Inferno said softly, looking at the scene of chaos. "Maybe the smoke bomb was a bad idea."

Wheeljack and Perceptor burst into the room, as Prime slowly straightened from where he had nearly been crushing Ironhide. "Good job Red Alert! We got all of the data!"

"Good." Red Alert handed the cannon over to the two scientists. "Let me know if you ever do something like this again."

Primes voice cut across the conversation, nearing frigid cold. "What is going on here?"

"Well, we wanted to conduct an experiment on how long an Autobot, not using any special codes, can evade capture on only the Ark. No leaving it. They would also be allowed only one weapon, randomly snatched up. We were trying to figure out who to sue, when Red Alert passed by on his way to fix a camera."

Inferno looked down at Red Alert, who shrugged. "I heard, and I thought it would be a good idea. And since I'm the one who knows which codes are special, which ones aren't, and since I'm one of the few others might actually believe was going mad- it seemed to be the logical choice."

Perceptor frowned as he spotted the dent. "Red Alert, you promised that it wouldn't get hurt!"

"Sorry, Prowl nearly caught me, and I used it as a shield."

"Well, you avoided capture for a cycle and two breems." Wheeljack noted, his fins glowing happily.

"And what would've happened if someone had gotten hurt? After all, that is a weapon-"

"It's a paintball cannon Sir. Leftover from the time we had a paintball fight? We just used scorch bullets so that way it _looked_ as if it were an actual weapon. The most it would've done is leave a scorch mark sir." Wheeljack explained.

"And if Red really had glitched?" Inferno demanded, his grip on Red Alert shifting from pinning to possessive. "After all, the entire Ark was after him."

"I'm sure Ratchet-"

CLANG! Wheeljack topped backward as Ratchet threw one of the wrenches lying on the floor at him. "You both are morons!" Ratchet roared. "Why didn't you tell anyone!"

"Because we wanted this experiment to be as close as possible of the desired circumstances in which this situation would result from!" Perceptor said, backing up, eyeing the wrenches doubtfully.

Primes hand came up to his face as he took what humans would dub 'a deep, calming breath'. When he was done, he onlined his optics to look at the two. "So, you pulled Red Alert into this."

"Well, yes. We asked him if he was willing-"

"Very well. As punishment you must clean up ever scorch mark on the Ark."

"Oh, they should disappear on their own in another five breems or so sir." Came back the happy reply.

Red Alert tapped inferno on the shoulder. "Inferno, I'd like to be put down please."

Inferno placed Red Alert down, and Ratchet pointed at Red Alert. "Medbay. Now."

Red Alert didn't even attempt to argue. He left the room, remarking, 'Well, at least I got it recorded."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Prime sat down at his seat, looking at the paperwork needed to be done. After the events of the cycles, it seemed rather… tame. _I can't believe that I'd actually want to return to this._ Prime though ruefully as he picked up a datapad.

_But, I hate to admit it, we needed that little wake-up call. With the Decepticons so quiet lately… we all needed something to keep them perked up._

SsSsSsSsSsSs

Don't kill me! Please! I know I horribly mangled several bunnies in here, but still! (come on, all those who thought the scientists had somehow managed to steal Megatrons cannon, raise your hands) Anyways, I had a lot of fun with this. R&R and tell me if it was stupid or not, because I got the feeling unless I post it up right now, I'm never going to get the guts to post it up.


End file.
